6) A New Person

From contemplative walks through the 3 acres of strange land with Gracie, my best friend, I’ve learned everything that was once important to me out west has changed. What life would be like if I were a different person? I feel like I have changed into a different person – living an entirely different life. I once stopped for a coffee at a coffee shop, sometimes 3 times in one day, I am now brewing my own coffee three times a day. I was once tucking kids in at night and taking them to school in the morning, I am now reading at night and getting ready to write and look for work during the day. My yard work no longer consists of hanging plants and sweeping a terrace. It is digging a fire pit, and transporting tree stumps to make a fire circle. Where am I going to plant the vegetables and build the chicken coop? You would think a person doesn’t lose who they are when they’ve moved a long distance, and lost almost every friend. I may sound the same, but my entire being is changing from the inside out while my routines change me from the outside in. The excitement of being in a new place keeps me going from day to day. My adrenalin kicks in and I am able to run with the dog, and harvest the Hazelnuts that grow naturally on the land. Even as I write, I peer out the window at the ever changing clouds above the ever green forest, and it inspires me. The question I ask myself is, "Inspires me to do what?"

5) The Dog in Me

I have been contemplating having a dog, wishing for a dog, hoping for a dog, and today I have a dog. She doesn’t leave my side. She goes where I go, hears my voice, and comes when I call. Her name is Gracie, and she is a solid black German Shepherd straight from the animal rescue center in town. A little piddle on the linoleum now and then is not such a big deal, I’ve found. She is a puppy, a big puppy, and a big responsibility. I've been wondering why I had such a yearning for a dog, and I've come to a conclusion. The reason for the dog is to keep my mind off other things like a divorce I haven’t filed, children who called me mom who I might never see again, and she certainly keeps me from drinking myself into a drowsy depression. I suppose that without the dog, I might be just fine. I might have more time to make the new house less boxy, as in full of boxes from the move. Without the dog, I might also be picking on Dad and his flaws all the time, or picking on myself, or getting obsessive/compulsive about cleaning the place. Since I have the dog, I have more time to myself, because I can’t really go anywhere for more than a few hours at a time. This gives me time to meditate on the most important things in life. What are those again? Oh yeah, happiness must be one. I haven't had that in a really long time.